I completely forgot about this site lol. However it doesn't look like anyone is interested in what I have to say. Things haven't been so great in my life but I'm doing my best to get through each day. My sleep has gotten really bad. It use to be that I got 2-3 hours of sleep a night, and over the last 2 months, I've actually went two full days with no sleep. I have no idea why it's gotten so bad but let me tell ya...when everyone in the world in your time zone is sleep in your up WIDE awake, its the most depressing feeling. The strangest thing is I don't ever feel tired. I could be at work and feel sleepy and drowsy all day, but as soon as I get home, I feel a huge rush of energy and once again I'm awake. After the 3rd day, then I crash and pretty much go into a coma and sleep the full day. Geezzz. I pray this gets better.
So we are about 3 months into me living the life of a single 30 year old. Things still haven't changed. I'm still single and no guy has made an attempt to talk to me. It could be that I've been in lately lol but even when I go out, I feel like I'm invisible to men. Only woman can see me. Anyway....a few days ago and old (bootie called texted me. And I stress the words (bootie call)because now I'm aware that's what he was in the past. I won't say any names lol. He had gotten my number from a friend of mine. He said that he'd been wanting to talk to me for a long time but I had changed my number. STOP.....lets go back 6 years and I'll explain what happened with this guy. Ok, I met him through a guy friend of mine. They were cousins. My friend was dating my roommate and decided to introduce me to his cousin. OK so six years ago I was 24 and yes I was a little dumb and young. Of course all this guy wanted was sex, and of course I was too blind to see that because of course I was just head over heels crushing on him. When I look back on it now, I could slap the shit out of myself for the level of my stupidity. Anyway after a week I slept with him, and of course after he got what he wanted, he turned into a complete ass hole and ignored my phone calls like I never existed. Poor poor me, crying my eyes out and asking God what did I do to deserve this. Well I can answer my own question now. YOU OPENED YOUR FREAKEN LEGS lol!!! Ok present day, so I'm looking at his text and I'm thinking why in hell is he texting me after all these years. He said he wanted to start back at page 1. LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL, I literally laughed so hard I nearly passed out on my couch in tears of laughter. PAGE 1, what the hell are you talking about, PAGE 1. Little does he know, I've come a long way from the young minded little girl I use to be.
To Be Continued.......
This particular entry is so very relatable. I can't count how many times I've gone over and over in my head, 'why did I do that?', and I get the same answer(s), 'didn't love/respect myself enough at the time, I was so young and naive, I'd take that back, etc'. The list goes on, but you know what, most of us make those same mistakes. I think as long as we know who we are now, and realize that we're not that same person who did or put up with what we did in the past, that it's history...period. I had to accept the fact that I couldn't change it, might as well accept it for what it is, and forgive myself. I'm happy you've reached that place too, and I love your honesty! :)
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